You can get a strong erection while watching pornography. The arousal is instant and your body responds the way it always has. Then you are with a real partner, someone you want, and nothing happens. Or it starts and fades. You feel confused, frustrated, maybe a little frightened, and a quiet question forms: is porn doing this to me?
If that feels familiar, you are not broken and not alone. A growing number of men, including many in their twenties and thirties, describe exactly this pattern. The honest answer to “Can porn cause erectile dysfunction?” is this: pornography does not automatically cause erectile dysfunction in everyone who watches it, but problematic or compulsive use may contribute to erectile difficulties in some men, especially when it interacts with anxiety, conditioning, and how a person experiences real intimacy.
This article explains what porn-induced erectile dysfunction is, why the “hard with porn, soft with a partner” pattern happens, how to tell it apart from performance anxiety and physical causes, whether it is reversible, and what recovery realistically looks like.
Key Takeaways
- Porn-induced erectile dysfunction describes erectile difficulties during partnered sex that some men link to heavy or compulsive pornography use, even when erections during porn remain strong.
- Current research does not prove that pornography causes erectile dysfunction in all users, but it may play a role for certain individuals alongside anxiety, conditioning, and relationship factors.
- A common sign is getting an erection easily with pornography but struggling to get or keep one with a real partner.
- Porn-related erectile difficulties are usually psychological rather than physical, which means they are often reversible with the right changes and support.
- Performance anxiety and porn-related conditioning frequently overlap, and many men experience both at once.
- Recovery timelines vary widely, and no honest source can guarantee a fixed timeline or outcome.
- Psychosexual therapy, gradual changes in pornography habits, and addressing anxiety tend to help more than relying on medication alone.
What Is Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction?
Porn-induced erectile dysfunction describes erectile difficulties during real-life sex that appear connected to heavy or compulsive pornography use. The defining feature is a mismatch: a man can usually get and keep an erection while watching pornography but struggles to do so with a partner. It is not a formal medical diagnosis the way physical erectile dysfunction is, and the science is still developing.
The concept sits inside a larger, well-established category called psychogenic erectile dysfunction, meaning difficulties driven mainly by psychological and emotional factors rather than problems with blood flow, nerves, or hormones. What makes the porn-related version distinctive is the suggested role of repeated, highly stimulating sexual conditioning through a screen, so that arousal becomes strongly tied to the specific conditions of pornography: endless novelty, visual intensity, a particular kind of stimulation, and the absence of another person’s needs.
Many men searching for erectile dysfunction caused by excessive pornography use are actually describing a combination of arousal conditioning, performance anxiety, and psychosexual factors rather than physical erectile disease. Watching pornography is extremely common, and most men who watch it never develop erectile problems. Research suggests pornography may play a role for certain individuals, particularly when use becomes compulsive, replaces partnered intimacy, or sits alongside anxiety and relationship stress. It is best understood as one possible piece of a bigger picture, not a guaranteed outcome of watching porn.
When pornography use becomes compulsive and begins affecting erections, relationships, or emotional wellbeing, professional support may be helpful. Many men experiencing porn-related sexual difficulties benefit from structured porn addiction treatment that addresses both behaviour patterns and underlying psychological factors.
Can Porn Cause Erectile Dysfunction?
Yes, problematic pornography use may contribute to erectile difficulties in some men, particularly when erections stay strong during pornography but become unreliable during partnered sex. Current evidence suggests the issue is usually related to arousal conditioning, anxiety, and learned sexual patterns rather than physical damage to the penis. Pornography does not automatically cause erectile dysfunction in everyone.
The scientific picture is genuinely mixed. Some studies find associations between heavy or problematic pornography use and reduced sexual satisfaction or erectile difficulties with a partner. Others find no clear link. Researchers debate how much pornography itself is the driver versus the real culprits being anxiety, low relationship satisfaction, depression, or pre-existing difficulties that lead someone toward more solo pornography use in the first place.
What seems most defensible is this: pornography does not damage the penis or the body’s physical ability to have an erection. When porn-related difficulties occur, they appear to operate through learned arousal patterns, attention, and emotion. The hardware is usually fine, and that distinction matters, because psychological patterns can be changed in ways physical damage often cannot.
Why Can I Get Hard Watching Porn But Not During Sex?
You can get hard with pornography but not during sex because arousal is not only physical. It is learned, contextual, and emotional. Pornography offers constant novelty, intense visual stimulation, total control, and zero performance pressure. Partnered sex involves another person, emotional vulnerability, and the possibility of being judged, which can trigger anxiety that interferes with erections.
This is the heart of the issue, where most men get stuck. Understanding what is actually happening usually brings real relief. Several overlapping mechanisms are at work.
Pornography versus real intimacy. Screen stimulation is intense, instant, and one-directional, and it asks nothing of you emotionally. Real intimacy is slower, mutual, and emotionally exposed, involving eye contact, communication, and the vulnerability of being truly seen. Both are valid, but they are different kinds of arousal.
Novelty effects. Pornography offers something real life cannot: an endless stream of new partners and scenarios with a single click. The brain responds powerfully to novelty. For some men whose arousal has tuned to constant variety, the steadiness of real intimacy can feel less stimulating until the brain re-adapts.
Conditioned arousal and masturbation conditioning. The brain learns to link arousal with whatever cues accompany it most often. If most sexual experiences happen in front of a screen, arousal can become tied to those conditions, including the specific sensations of masturbating to pornography, such as grip, pressure, and pace. Partnered sex provides different cues, so arousal may not come as automatically at first. This is conditioning, not damage.
Performance pressure. With pornography there is no one to satisfy and no consequence if arousal comes and goes. With a partner the stakes feel high. The wish to perform well creates pressure, and pressure is one of the fastest ways to lose an erection. The body reads pressure as threat, the opposite of the relaxed state arousal needs.
Anxiety and fear of erection loss. Erections depend on the parasympathetic “rest and digest” state, while anxiety switches on the sympathetic “fight or flight” state, which restricts blood flow to the penis. The worry “what if I lose my erection?” can directly cause the thing you fear, and a single difficult experience can plant a fear that returns next time.
Spectatoring. Spectatoring means mentally stepping outside the experience to monitor your own performance, watching yourself, checking your erection, narrating your anxiety. This split attention pulls you out of arousal. Pornography invites no spectatoring; partnered sex does.
Psychological safety versus emotional vulnerability. Pornography feels psychologically safe because no one is watching and there is nothing to lose, while partnered sex asks you to be emotionally open and exposed. For some men that vulnerability quietly activates anxiety, which then interferes with the physical response. The body is not broken. Arousal has been trained in one direction and is reacting to anxiety in another, and both can change.
How Pornography Can Change Sexual Arousal Patterns
Heavy pornography use may gradually shape what the brain associates with arousal, through ordinary learning rather than permanent damage. Over time, arousal can become more responsive to novelty, intensity, and screen-based cues, and less responsive to the slower, more emotional cues of real intimacy. These changes in sexual arousal patterns are usually reversible with time and adjusted habits.
Novelty seeking
Human arousal is sensitive to newness. Pornography provides unlimited novelty on demand, far more than real life can. When the brain is regularly rewarded with constant variety, the familiarity of one real partner can feel less stimulating until arousal re-tunes toward real intimacy.
Escalation of stimulation
Some men notice that over time they need more specific, intense, or novel content to feel the same excitement. This is a learning effect, not permanent damage. Repeated high-intensity stimulation can raise the threshold for what feels arousing, and it tends to ease as stimulation becomes more moderate.
Conditioning and arousal learning
The brain pairs arousal with the cues present when it happens. Thousands of repetitions in front of a screen strengthen the link between arousal and screen-based conditions. The same learning process can build new associations around real intimacy, which is why reconditioning is possible.
Attention and reward patterns
Pornography captures attention with rapid, vivid, goal-focused stimulation. Real intimacy rewards attention rooted in presence, sensation, and connection. When attention is heavily trained toward fast screen reward, being fully present with a partner takes practice, which directly affects arousal.
Screen stimulation versus real intimacy
Screen stimulation is visual, intense, and effortless. Real intimacy is multi-sensory, mutual, and emotionally involved. Screen stimulation and real intimacy engage arousal differently, but they engage arousal differently, and a brain practiced mainly in one may need time to respond fully to the other.
Signs And Symptoms Of Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction
The most common sign of porn-induced erectile dysfunction is getting a firm erection while watching pornography but struggling to get or keep one during partnered sex. Other signs include needing increasingly specific or extreme content to feel aroused, reduced spontaneous attraction to real partners, and delayed ejaculation or difficulty climaxing with a partner despite no trouble alone.
Porn-induced ED is one form of porn-related sexual dysfunction. Other difficulties may include delayed ejaculation, reduced arousal during partnered sex, or difficulty reaching orgasm without pornography. Men who relate to this often notice several signs together: easy, reliable arousal with pornography but little or unreliable arousal with a real partner, a need for more novel or extreme content over time, real bodies feeling “less exciting” than the screen, and rising anxiety before or during sex.
A few features point toward a psychological rather than physical cause, which is encouraging for recovery. Firm morning erections, easy erections during masturbation or pornography, and difficulty that is mostly situational, appearing with partners but not alone, all suggest the physical machinery is working and the difficulty lives in conditioning, attention, and anxiety. This is not a substitute for a proper assessment.
Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction In Young Men
Porn-induced erectile difficulties are increasingly described in young men, including those in their twenties, who usually have fully intact physical sexual function. In this age group the cause is rarely physical. Strong morning erections and reliable erections during masturbation point toward psychological mechanisms such as arousal conditioning, performance anxiety, and the contrast between screen stimulation and real intimacy.
Younger men are often the first to grow up with unlimited high-intensity pornography from an early age, sometimes before much real-world experience, so arousal can become conditioned to screen-based cues before a man has built confidence with partners. Because physical health is typically excellent at this age, erectile difficulty with a partner alongside strong solo erections strongly suggests a conditioning-based pattern rather than disease. Relationship worries, fear of judgment, and inexperience can add anxiety on top. Intact physical function gives younger men an excellent chance of full improvement once the psychological drivers are addressed.
Many men search for “can porn cause erectile dysfunction in young men” because erectile difficulties appearing in the twenties often feel confusing when overall physical health is otherwise normal.
Porn-Induced ED vs Performance Anxiety
Porn-related erectile difficulty and performance anxiety are closely related and often occur together, but they are not identical. Performance anxiety is fear-driven and centers on worry about failing during sex. Porn-related difficulty centers on conditioned arousal built around screen-based stimulation. In real life, the two frequently feed each other.
The relationship is so tight that separating them cleanly is sometimes artificial. A man whose arousal has shifted toward pornography may struggle once with a partner, become anxious, and the anxiety then drives further difficulty, creating a self-reinforcing loop. If you are unsure which is driving your experience, working with a professional who offers performance anxiety treatment can help untangle and address both.
Porn-Induced ED vs Performance Anxiety
| Feature | Porn-Induced ED | Performance Anxiety |
|---|---|---|
| Core driver | Conditioned arousal tied to screen-based stimulation | Fear of failing or disappointing a partner |
| Erection with pornography | Usually strong and reliable | Usually strong and reliable |
| Erection with a partner | Often weak or unreliable | Often weak when anxious, fine when relaxed |
| Main mental experience | Real intimacy feels less stimulating than porn | Worry, self-monitoring, fear of judgment |
| Triggered by | Heavy or compulsive porn habits over time | High-pressure situations, new partners, past “failures” |
| Typical overlap | Frequently includes anxiety as well | Can develop after porn-related difficulty |
| Helpful first steps | Adjusting porn habits, retraining arousal, therapy | Reducing pressure, anxiety techniques, therapy |
Porn-Induced ED vs Physical Erectile Dysfunction
Porn-related erectile difficulty is psychological and situational, while physical erectile dysfunction is caused by medical issues such as poor blood flow, nerve problems, diabetes, hormonal imbalance, or medication side effects. A useful clue is timing: psychological causes usually allow firm morning and solo erections, while physical causes tend to reduce erections in all situations.
Telling these apart matters because treatments differ and because physical erectile dysfunction can be an early warning sign of conditions like cardiovascular disease. If erections are consistently weak in every situation, including alone, with pornography, on waking, and with a partner, that points more toward a physical cause that should be assessed by a clinician. If erections are strong alone and only fail with a partner, a psychological explanation becomes much more likely.
Porn-Induced ED vs Physical Erectile Dysfunction
| Feature | Porn-Induced ED | Physical Erectile Dysfunction |
|---|---|---|
| Underlying cause | Psychological: conditioning, anxiety, attention | Medical: blood flow, nerves, hormones, medication |
| Morning erections | Usually present and firm | Often reduced or absent |
| Solo or porn erections | Usually strong | Often weak or inconsistent |
| Onset | Often sudden and situational | Often gradual and consistent across situations |
| Typical age range | Common in younger and middle-aged men | More common with age and health conditions |
| Linked health issues | Usually none physical | Diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, low testosterone |
| Primary treatment | Therapy, habit change, anxiety reduction | Medical treatment of the underlying condition |
Porn-Induced ED vs Psychogenic Erectile Dysfunction
Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is best understood as a specific type of psychogenic erectile dysfunction. Both are psychological rather than physical, and both usually leave morning and solo erections intact. The difference is the driver: porn-induced difficulty centers on arousal conditioned to pornography, while broader psychogenic erectile dysfunction can stem from stress, depression, or relationship issues with no porn involvement.
Porn-Induced ED vs Psychogenic ED
| Feature | Porn-Induced ED | Psychogenic ED |
|---|---|---|
| Porn involvement | Central to the pattern | May or may not be involved |
| Anxiety involvement | Common, often secondary | Common, often primary |
| Arousal conditioning | Strongly screen-based | Variable, not necessarily screen-based |
| Morning erections | Usually intact | Usually intact |
| Physical damage | None | None |
| Treatment approach | Habit change plus psychosexual therapy | Psychosexual therapy for the underlying driver |
What Happens In The Brain?
When porn-related erectile difficulties occur, the changes are best understood as learning and conditioning rather than permanent brain damage. The brain links arousal to the cues it experiences most often, so with heavy screen-based stimulation arousal can become associated with those cues, while anxiety during partnered sex activates a stress response that works against erections.
It is important to be honest here, because this is where online claims often become exaggerated. Dramatic statements about pornography “rewiring” the brain or “flooding” it with dopamine go beyond what the science supports. What is reasonable to say is more modest: the brain learns to associate arousal with whatever cues repeatedly accompany it, the same ordinary conditioning behind many habits. Its role is twofold. It has learned arousal patterns that favor screen stimulation, and it can switch into an anxious state during partnered sex that interferes with erections. Both are forms of learning and emotion, which is precisely why they can be reshaped.
Common Patterns Seen In Therapy
Psychosexual therapists see a handful of recurring patterns with porn-related erectile difficulty. The examples below are educational illustrations of common presentations, not stories about specific individuals. They show how the same mechanisms, conditioning and anxiety, express themselves differently from person to person.
Pattern 1: strong with porn, soft at penetration. A man gets firm erections during pornography but loses the erection at penetration. Physical function is intact; the difficulty appears when pressure and self-monitoring peak.
Pattern 2: attraction intact, real sex feels muted. A man with years of daily pornography use still feels genuine attraction to his partner, yet real sex feels less stimulating than the screen. The issue is arousal conditioned toward novelty, not lost attraction.
Pattern 3: one bad night becomes the problem. A single episode of lost erection triggers anxiety, and the fear of it recurring becomes a bigger driver than pornography itself. Anxiety, not porn, now maintains the difficulty.
Pattern 4: porn plus performance anxiety together. Heavy pornography use and performance anxiety reinforce each other. Conditioned arousal makes partnered sex harder, the difficulty creates anxiety, and the anxiety deepens it.
Pattern 5: porn stops but ED continues. A man significantly reduces pornography, yet erectile difficulty persists because anxiety has taken over as the maintaining factor. This shows why addressing anxiety, not only porn habits, is essential.
Is Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction Reversible?
Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is generally considered reversible because it is rooted in psychological patterns, conditioning, and anxiety rather than physical damage. Many men see meaningful improvement after adjusting pornography habits, reducing performance pressure, and addressing anxiety, often with psychosexual therapy. Outcomes vary between individuals, and no honest source can guarantee a specific result.
The reason for cautious optimism is simple. If the physical machinery is intact, as it usually is when men get firm morning and solo erections, the difficulty lies in patterns that can change. Conditioned arousal can be reconditioned, anxiety can be managed, and attention can return to connection with a partner. These are exactly the changes that therapy and reduced pressure are designed to produce.
That said, reversible does not mean instant, and improvement is not guaranteed for everyone. Some men recover quickly, others take longer, and a few discover physical factors are also involved. The path is individual and sometimes uneven.
Porn Erectile Dysfunction Recovery Timeline
Porn erectile dysfunction recovery looks different for every man. Recovery depends on anxiety levels, pornography habits, relationship factors, overall mental health, and how long the pattern has been present.
There is no fixed recovery timeline for porn-related erectile difficulty, and any source promising one should be treated with caution. Recovery depends on how long the patterns have existed, how much anxiety is involved, the state of a person’s relationships, and whether they get appropriate support. The phases below describe what some men experience, not a guarantee. A realistic porn addiction recovery timeline follows similar principles.
First Few Weeks
In the early weeks of change, such as reducing pornography, lowering pressure during sex, and addressing anxiety, many men notice things feel harder before easier. Urges can rise, and some report low libido as the brain adjusts away from high-intensity stimulation. Others see early hints of improvement, like stronger morning erections. A difficult start does not predict a poor outcome.
One To Three Months
Over one to three months, many men notice arousal returning in more natural settings and a gradual reconnection with real-world attraction. Erections during partnered sex may become more reliable as anxiety eases. Progress is rarely a straight line, and good days and setbacks usually alternate. Continuing supportive habits matters more than chasing a date.
Three To Six Months
By three to six months, men who stay with meaningful changes often report more stable improvement: arousal that responds to real intimacy, less reliance on extreme content, and lower anxiety around sex. Some feel substantially recovered within this window, while others need longer. Steady, patient effort serves better than pressure to hit a deadline.
How To Recover From Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction
Recovery from porn-induced ED usually combines three things: adjusting pornography habits, reducing performance anxiety, and gradually retraining arousal toward real intimacy. For many men, professional psychosexual therapy speeds this up by addressing the underlying patterns directly. Medication may have a limited role but rarely solves the root issue on its own.
A practical, balanced approach combines several elements. The first is gradually reducing or pausing pornography, not as punishment but to give the brain space to re-tune arousal away from screen-based novelty. Extremes and moral self-blame usually backfire; calm, sustainable reduction works better. For men whose use has become compulsive or hard to control, structured porn addiction treatment can provide the support that willpower alone often cannot.
The second element is reducing performance pressure. Many therapists use sensate focus, a structured technique that shifts attention from “achieving” an erection toward pleasurable touch and connection without any goal, letting the body relax into arousal naturally. Communicating openly with a partner also lowers the secrecy and fear that fuel anxiety.
The third element is managing anxiety directly, using cognitive and mindfulness-based techniques to interrupt spectatoring, calm the stress response, and keep attention in present sensation. The fourth is gradually rebuilding real-world intimacy by prioritizing connection, taking pressure off intercourse, and letting arousal rebuild around touch and presence. Related themes are worth understanding too, including the signs of porn addiction, changes in sexual arousal patterns, and relationship difficulties linked to porn use.
When Should You Seek Professional Help?
You should consider professional help if erectile difficulties persist for more than a few weeks, cause distress, affect your relationship, or leave you unable to change the pattern on your own. Support is also wise if you are unsure whether the cause is psychological or physical, or if pornography use feels compulsive and hard to control.
There is no need to struggle in silence. Psychosexual difficulties are common, treatable, and discussed by professionals every day without judgment. A qualified clinician can confirm whether the cause is mainly psychological, identify or rule out physical factors, and build a plan suited to your situation. Seeking help early often shortens the process, because patterns addressed sooner are usually easier to change.
Getting Help
If you can get an erection while watching pornography but repeatedly struggle during intimacy, a psychosexual assessment can help determine whether porn-induced ED, performance anxiety, arousal conditioning, or psychogenic erectile dysfunction is contributing to the problem.
Dr. Dhruv Bhola is a Certified Sex Therapist and Psychosexologist who works with men experiencing porn-induced erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, psychogenic erectile dysfunction, pornography-related sexual difficulties, and the relationship concerns that often accompany them, through confidential sex therapy and psychosexual therapy, including online consultations. If the patterns described in this article sound familiar, a psychosexual assessment can help identify whether pornography-related arousal conditioning, performance anxiety, psychogenic erectile dysfunction, or a combination of factors is contributing to the problem and what treatment approach is most appropriate.
Can Porn Cause Erectile Dysfunction Even If I Still Get Morning Erections?
Morning erections often remain normal in porn-induced erectile dysfunction because the physical erection mechanism is still functioning properly. The difficulty typically appears during partnered sex, where anxiety, arousal conditioning, performance pressure, and learned sexual patterns may interfere with arousal.
This is one of the clearest clues that the cause is psychological rather than physical. Morning and spontaneous erections happen automatically during sleep, without pressure or another person present, so they reflect the body’s intact physical capacity. When a man wakes with firm erections and gets hard easily during masturbation but loses his erection with a partner, the pattern points toward conditioning and anxiety, not blood flow or nerve problems. Intact morning erections strongly suggest porn-induced ED is reversible, because the physical foundation for healthy erections is clearly still in place.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can porn cause erectile dysfunction?
Pornography does not automatically cause erectile dysfunction, but problematic or compulsive use may contribute to erectile difficulties in some men, particularly when combined with anxiety, conditioned arousal, or relationship factors. The effect is psychological rather than physical damage to the penis.
Is porn-induced erectile dysfunction real?
It is a real, widely reported pattern in which men get strong erections with pornography but struggle during partnered sex. It is not yet a formal medical diagnosis, and evidence is mixed, but the underlying mechanisms of conditioning and anxiety are well established in psychosexual health.
How do I know if I have porn-induced erectile dysfunction?
A strong clue is getting firm erections with pornography or alone but struggling with a partner. Other signs include needing more extreme content to feel aroused and rising anxiety before sex. A professional can confirm the cause.
Why can I get hard with porn but not with a partner?
Arousal is learned and emotional, not only physical. Pornography offers novelty, intensity, control, and no pressure, while partnered sex involves vulnerability and the risk of judgment, which can trigger anxiety that interferes with erections.
Can porn-induced ED be reversed?
It is generally considered reversible because it stems from psychological patterns rather than physical damage. Many men improve by adjusting porn habits, reducing performance pressure, and addressing anxiety, often with therapy. Outcomes vary between individuals.
How long does recovery take?
There is no fixed timeline. Some men improve within weeks, others over several months, depending on how long the pattern has existed, how much anxiety is involved, and what support they receive. Be cautious of any guaranteed timeframe.
Does quitting porn improve erections?
For some men, reducing or pausing pornography helps arousal re-tune toward real intimacy and improves partnered erections over time. Results vary, and it works best alongside reducing anxiety and rebuilding real-world intimacy rather than on its own.
Can therapy help porn-induced erectile dysfunction?
Yes. Psychosexual therapy addresses the root patterns directly, including conditioned arousal, anxiety, and intimacy, using approaches like sensate focus and anxiety management. For many men, therapy is more effective than medication alone for this type of difficulty.
Can quitting porn fix erectile dysfunction permanently?
For some men, reducing or stopping pornography can significantly improve erections, particularly when the difficulty is related to arousal conditioning and performance anxiety rather than a physical problem. Improvement is often gradual and works best when combined with anxiety reduction, healthier sexual habits, and psychosexual therapy when needed.
Why can I get hard watching porn but not with my girlfriend?
Many men can get hard while watching pornography but struggle during partnered sex because pornography provides novelty, control, and no performance pressure. Real intimacy involves emotional vulnerability and the possibility of being judged, which can activate anxiety and interfere with erections. In some cases, arousal may also become conditioned to pornography rather than real-life sexual experiences.
What is the difference between porn-induced ED and regular erectile dysfunction?
Porn-induced ED is usually psychological and situation-specific. Men often maintain morning erections and can get erections during masturbation or pornography. Traditional erectile dysfunction may involve physical causes such as vascular disease, diabetes, hormonal issues, medication side effects, or neurological conditions.
The bottom line: Can porn cause erectile dysfunction? Not automatically, but heavy or compulsive use may contribute to erectile difficulties in some men, mainly through conditioning and anxiety rather than physical harm. Because the cause is usually psychological, it can often improve, and many men recover by adjusting habits, easing performance pressure, and addressing anxiety. If the pattern persists or causes distress, the best next step is to speak with a qualified psychosexual professional.